THE HOSSLESS RIG.

The evenin' chores wuz done an' I wuz settin' with my pipe,
A lookin' at the grapevines where the fruit wuz gettin' ripe,
An' a-listenin' to the hired han's discussin' uv the craps,
When who shud come a-ridin' up but tew swell city chaps
In one of them thar hossless things I'd heerd tell uv before,
But never 'lowed I'd live tew to see a-standin' by my door.

The feller who wuz runnin' it spuk up, jest reel perlite,
"Ef ye'll let us fill our biler here we'll pay ye what is right."
Says I, "I like to 'commodate, but water's gittin' skeerce
An' when the cistern's clean, plum dry the women folks is fierce,
But," says I, "I'll risk their jawin' fur a ride in that affair."
It costs ye fifty cents in York, they say, tew ride a square,
An' bein' as the water comes so free-like from the sky,
I 'lowed ef they shud take me up 'twould be a payin' high.

The feller laffed a leetle, an' says he, "It's gittin' late,
But water we hev got tew hev, so we'll accommodate";
An' while they fed an' iled her up I called the women tew,
Fur they'r ez anxious ez the men fur seein' things 'ats new.
It looked sum like a buggy, 'cept the shafts wuz out uv sight
An' thar wuz bars an' chains an' things 'at didn't seem jest right;
The handle uv it wuz turned back, an' I'll declar, by jocks!
The wheels wuz made of leetle rods an' rubber hard as rocks.

Tew things resemblin' toy clocks fust caught the women's eye,
An' a lookin' glass hung on the dash—I spose tew clean up by,
Fur no mistake about it, them tew chaps wuz mighty neat ,
An' kep' some water hangin' in a bottle by the seat.
But the outside warn't a sarcumstance, tho' interestin' enuff,
Tew the mystery uv the innards where they stored the engin' stuff;
But I didn't hev no time at all tew steddy out each part,
Fur the man 'at run the circus hed got ready now tew start.

An' when I clum intew the thing an' sot down by his side,
I bet I warn't a bit more skeered when I led out my bride;
But proud an' happy tew! my heart kep' swellin' in my chest
Till I felt sure I'd hev tew bust or open up my vest;
At fust the blamed thing started off so creepy like an' slow,
The hired man yelled out "Git ep" an' then he let 'er go!
We turned the corner by the gate so quick we near upsot,
An' past the medders an' the woods like cannon ball we shot.

I never spuk a single word—jest held on like grim death—
The wind wuz zippin' past us so it kind a-tuk my breath;
The neighbors all cum runnin' out as curious as cud be,
An' I bet ever' livin' soul wuz envyin' uv me.
We made the dust an' pebbles fly—an' barn yard critters tew—
An' hosses stood an' pawed the air when our rig hove in view;
But he'd tech somethin' with his foot an' stop 'er like a flash—
The fust time I warn't lookin' an' fell over on the dash.

But I enjoyed thet ride more—I'm sartin' thet I did—
Than any gorgeous street parade I'd went tew when a kid;
A ridin' after hosses now jest makes me fairly sick,
An' flyin's mighty pleasant, ef ye never stop tew quick.
But uv all the ways uv gittin' 'round thet ever I did see
That takes the cake! A hossless rig is good enuff fur me!

HOPE HATHAWAY.